I was 13 when I met Tyler. I’d just started going to high school and I met him right away through a friend I made at school. That friend was a cool punk girl from my French class, and I still can’t believe she ever liked me. She introduced me to Tyler during school one day and I liked him immediately. He had his hair arranged into little braids and he had a safety pin in his eyebrow. He always wore black cargo pants with a black shirt. As hunky as he sounds, I didn’t like him for his style. He had incredible charisma, so much so that I can’t help but smile even now when I think about him. On the first or second day we met, he asked me to write him a letter during the next class I had. I told him that I had already planned on it, which was true, and he was taken aback. He told me that I had beautiful eyes and soon enough we were hanging out after school daily and writing each other letters on a regular basis. And eventually Tyler shaved his head – Thank god.
It took some convincing to get him to agree to the label of “boyfriend”, but I was determined. As I walked with Tyler and my cousin down the street, I was doing everything I could think of to convince him to be my boyfriend. We were on the way to my Aunt’s house and I wanted to have news when I got there. He resisted, but he finally agreed to make it official if my cousin and I touched tongues. Dude, yeah, you read that right. So creepy. But we totally touched tongues and I had my first boyfriend!
Okay, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s something I have to get off my chest. His real name was not Tyler. I didn’t pull a “Dear Abby” and change his name to protect him, no, it’s just that he told me his name was Tyler Durden when we met. I thought the name sounded familiar and figured out pretty quickly that he’d borrowed his name from a character in Fight Club. This wasn’t the end of his Fight Club identity. He would also recite long speeches from the movie and even incorporated one into a letter he wrote for my dad when he asked a few of my friends to write to a judge in support of his character. That probably made the judge think, eh?
Oh, um, he also refused to tell me his real name or his birthday. Kind of obnoxious, right? Anyway, now I know: David, April 4th. Bam, bitch.
Maybe I should give you a peek into some high school drama. These are excerpts from letters I received from Tyler both during our relationship and after we broke-up:
He was a 17-year old guy and I was a 13-year old virgin, so I guess maybe I was a tease?
The best part about Tyler was his sense of humor. Once we were walking home from school and over to my house, when he told me he needed to stop at the dog groomer. He went into the Muddy Paw and I waited outside. When he came out, he told me that he went in and said, “I’m here to pick-up Scooter.” And when the woman behind the counter told him his dog wasn’t there, he did his best attempt at crying while screaming “Scooter!!!”. You kind of get why I liked him now, right? He also called my parents “mom” and “dad” from the first day he met them, which was pretty hilarious too.
One day my cousin decided to spontaneously take a trip to San Francisco. I wasn’t into it because, even at 13, I was fucking sick of going there. She suggested we go to Santa Cruz instead and I was excited about the change. So me, Tyler, Nicole, Nicole’s boyfriend Gary, Nicole’s brother Johnny, my brother Eddie, and our friends Jaimie, Jesslynn, and Justin piled into a fucking Geo Metro and drove to Santa Cruz. I guess I was getting bored with our month-long relationship, so I was distant with Tyler and I flirted like fucking crazy with other dudes. Want an example? I went into a skateboard shop and told a guy he had beautiful eyes (a purposeful dig at Tyler for no reason), then wrapped my legs around this guy after he picked me up while we were hugging. Why were we hugging? Ugh, it makes me sick to my stomach to think about doing that. I was a major cunt. No…lieutenant general cunt. I felt so uncomfortable that whole day that I just ignored Tyler.. except when we took pictures in a photo booth, of course.
When we got back to my house, he asked me if I wanted to break-up. I kind of thought we had to after how terribly I acted, so I said “yes”. He was upset and asked me to reconsider, but I couldn’t change my mind after deciding we would break-up. It was silly because I really did like him and I didn’t even kiss anyone else after him until I was 16, then not again until I was 19, then 21. It’s not like other dudes were clamoring to date me, so I wasn’t really giving him up to be with other guys like I thought I was.
He went out with my cousin’s roommate, Jesslynn, after that. I was kind of a psycho bitch about it, which I regret. People thought I popped her tires, but I didn’t. So.. I wasn’t the biggest psycho. But I did hate her for years, I called her terrible names, and I let my jealousy make me miserable.
But Tyler -ahem- David seems happy now. He’s living in Oregon and singing in a band. I was very lucky to have him as my first boyfriend and I wish him nothing but happiness (ma-tur-ity is such a lonely word…).