Posts tagged Game of Thrones

My inbox is flooded with messages like “How did your cats get their nicknames?”, “Why is that kitty called Shooter?”, and “Post photos of your tight pussy”. I have ignored your messages long enough and now I must finally give in and tell you how it is that a cat - or a person - gets a nickname.

Sometimes a person wants a nickname so badly that they drop a lot of hints about wanting to be called something new and cool. Or, if they’re P. Diddy or J. Lo, they just issue a press release that demands everyone start calling them by their new name. Now that’s power! For those of us who can’t do something so glamorous, I’d recommend starting off slowly. As so many socially-disabled school children know, sometimes when you come right out and ask to be called something awesome like “Wild Hog”, you end up with the nickname “Fat Pig” instead. If you want a moniker like “The Slayer”, you don’t necessarily have to kill an Other, you may only have to wear a Slayer shirt to school every day and constantly be killing bugs. I can’t guarantee your efforts will earn you the nickname you want, but it’s worth a shot. What’s most important is letting your fuckwad classmates think your nickname was their idea.

Onto pets! That’s what she said. OMG, OMG, TMI. I have had a lot of pets in my lifetime and one of my favorite kitties, Whimbley, died a few years ago. I told my best friend, Kristen, about it and she was sad for me, but didn’t get too upset about it herself, until one day while sitting in Denny’s I said something like “I still can’t believe Penny died”. She said, “Penny died?” I said, “Yeah, Whimbley’s nickname was Penny.” She was suddenly very upset and said, “I didn’t know Penny died!” The reason she didn’t know it was that cat who died was because his nickname didn’t sound at all like his real name. Creating nicknames is a complicated process, but I’m here to help you make sense of it.

How “Shooter” became “Boatie”: Shooter, Shoot, Shoot-Boot, Showboat, Boatie

How “Gambit” became “Grandpa”: Gambie, Grambie, Gramps, Grampa, Grandpa

How “Wikkat” became “Piggy”: Wickie, Wickie Pickie, Pickie, Piggy

How “Jelly” became “Bubba Lou”: Jells, Jealous, Jealous D, Jealous Deanna, Jealous Dean, Jealous Bean, Jelly Bean, Jelly Bubba, Bubsy Bean, Bubbs, Bubba, Babaloo, Bubba Lou

It’s all very logical when you see it written out like that, but you could never predict beforehand what nickname you will eventually start calling your pet. These are the kinds of nicknames I like. They happened without effort or force and they were created out of love and familiarity.

I have some wonderful nicknames for some of my friends that immediately give me warm feelings because of the memories I have associated with them. My friend, Chaz, is called “Marie”. This happened partially because his real last name sounds somewhat like Marie and also because his girlfriend (my best friend) and I were calling everyone their name + Marie at the time. But it just stuck for him. I remember his roommate saying he would never let some girls call him “Marie”. That guy was a fucking asshole. To illustrate further: I was crying one night because I was severely depressed and Todd (the roommate) came into the living room and said, “Can you guys quiet down out here? We’re trying to sleep.” A gem he was! He also ended up robbing the pizza place Chaz worked at, so.. yeah. Plus he had a tattoo that said “No Fear” or some bullshit, so fuck him.

My nephew, Aiden, is “Tatum” or “Tum Tum” to me. I babysat him regularly for about the first year of his life, so I said his name a lot. Aiden quickly turned into Aido, which because Aido Potato, which became Tate or Little Man Tate, then Tato, then Tatum, then Tum Tum. It makes me sad that I don’t have an amazing nickname for my other nephew, Rylan, but it’s only because I don’t see him as often as I did Aiden. I think the furthest I’ve gotten is “Rye Bread”.

I think nicknames are such a meaningful thing. If you have a genuine nickname for someone like the ones I described above, you know that person is someone special in your life. I encourage you to think about the nicknames you have for your loved ones and to try to figure out the origin for those nicknames. It’s been a really fun activity for me and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it too, whoever you are.